Co-Sleeping, Breastfeeding, and Why Babies Wake So Often at Night
Few topics in motherhood create more fear, confusion, and judgment than co-sleeping.
Some mothers whisper about it quietly, afraid to admit it. Others end up doing it accidentally out of sheer exhaustion; falling asleep upright in a chair while trying to breastfeed at 3 a.m. Yet despite how common it is, many parents are never actually taught about safe co-sleeping, normal infant sleep, or why babies wake so often in the first place.
Instead, we are often taught that babies “should” sleep long stretches alone. That waking frequently is a problem to fix. That independent sleep is the goal.
But biologically? Human babies were never designed for separation.
For most of human history, babies slept beside their mothers. Across many cultures around the world today, bedsharing and close nighttime proximity are still completely normal. In countries throughout Asia, Africa, Latin America, and parts of Europe, it is expected that mothers and babies sleep close together, especially during infancy. Solitary infant sleep is actually more culturally specific than many people realize.
And when we look at the biology of breastfeeding, infant sleep, and maternal hormones… it starts to make sense why.
A newborn’s stomach is tiny. In the early days, it’s about the size of a cherry, then a walnut. Breastmilk is digested quickly. Babies wake often because they are supposed to. Frequent waking is not necessarily a flaw in your baby or your parenting. It is part of a normal protective design.
Night feeding also plays an important role in maintaining milk supply. Prolactin, the hormone responsible for milk production, rises significantly at night. The body is biologically primed for nighttime breastfeeding. Those frequent feeds help stimulate and maintain supply, especially in the early months.
This is one reason many breastfeeding mothers naturally find themselves drifting toward co-sleeping or bedsharing in some form. When a baby sleeps nearby, feeding often becomes more responsive and less disruptive. Mothers and babies tend to synchronize their sleep cycles more closely. Many breastfeeding mothers report that they barely fully wake during feeds.
Research has also shown something interesting: breastfeeding mothers who bedshare tend to adopt instinctive protective sleep positions around their babies. Often curled around them in a “C” shape, keeping pillows and blankets away from the infant. Breastfed babies also tend to remain positioned near the breast rather than migrating upward toward pillows.
This doesn’t mean co-sleeping is without risk. There are situations where bedsharing becomes dangerous, particularly with smoking, alcohol, drug use, extreme exhaustion, unsafe sleep surfaces, couches, recliners, soft mattresses, or premature/medically fragile infants. A couch or recliner, especially, dramatically increases risk.
But the conversation around co-sleeping becomes more nuanced when we acknowledge a reality many healthcare providers know: a large percentage of parents will end up bedsharing at some point, whether intentionally or unintentionally.
And when parents are only told “never do it,” without education on safer ways to reduce risk, families can end up in far more dangerous situations. Like accidentally falling asleep holding a baby on a couch.
Organizations and researchers studying infant sleep have increasingly emphasized the importance of harm reduction and safe sleep education. Because education matters.
Another important piece of this conversation is SIDS.
Breastfeeding itself is associated with a reduced risk of SIDS. Some research also suggests that breastfeeding mothers and babies sleeping in close proximity may have more frequent arousals and lighter sleep patterns, which may play a protective role. Babies who are breastfeeding often arouse more easily than deeply sleeping infants.
And while exhausted parents are often made to feel like they are “creating bad habits,” frequent waking in infancy is biologically protective in many ways. Human babies are neurologically immature at birth. They rely on closeness for regulation. Temperature regulation. Heart rate regulation. Breathing regulation. Emotional regulation.
They are not meant to function independently.
Modern parenting culture often pushes separation very early. Separate rooms. Separate sleep spaces. Sleep training before many mothers even feel emotionally ready. And for some families, those choices work well. But for many others, forcing separation feels deeply unnatural and distressing.
Mothers often tell me:
“I felt like my baby needed me close.”
“I couldn’t sleep when my baby was far away.”
“It felt instinctive.”
And honestly… that makes sense.
This is not about telling every family they should bedshare. Nor is it about ignoring risks. It’s about understanding that infant biology, breastfeeding, maternal instincts, and human history are all deeply intertwined.
Babies wake because they are babies.
Because they are growing rapidly.
Because they are designed to feed frequently.
Because closeness is survival to them.
And mothers deserve evidence-based education, not shame.
If you choose to co-sleep, learn how to make it as safe as possible.
If you decide that a separate sleep space is what works best for your family, that is okay too. Every family’s circumstances are different, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach to motherhood.
But either way, know this:
Your baby waking often does not mean you are creating bad habits or that your body is not producing enough milk. Frequent waking, especially in the early months, is normal and biologically expected. Tiny stomachs, rapid growth, and the need for closeness are all part of infancy.
And your baby wanting you close… wanting to nurse to sleep… wanting your arms, your smell, your presence… that is normal too.
It can feel exhausting at times. Overstimulating. Heavy. Especially in the middle of the night when you are running on little sleep.
But these months, these early years, are such a small snippet of time in the grand scheme of motherhood.
One day your baby will sleep through the night.
One day they won’t need to be rocked.
One day they won’t reach for you in the same way.
And as hard as these nights can sometimes feel, I promise… you will miss parts of them someday too.
Further Reading / Evidence & Resources
La Leche League International – Safe Sleep and the Breastfed Baby
Great overview of breastfeeding, normal infant sleep, and the Safe Sleep Seven.
La Leche League International – Safe Sleep and the Breastfed Baby
Great overview of breastfeeding, normal infant sleep, and the Safe Sleep Seven.
